Archive for May, 2008

22
May

g o n e . . . .

By alynnthe-no-music-no-life 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

It’s 6am in the morning….
still, sleepless..
yet, the same things…keep on appearing & bearing  in my mind….again & again…

plus, my final examination results which i’ve been waiting for so long is coming out tomorrow eventually…
hope amituofo & kuan yin will "popi popi" me & get a good results [praying]


i don’t know why,
again, i feel something’s wrong inside,
it’s unexplainable, uncountable.
emptier inside, i sense.
something’s struggling sorely…
tell me what it is?!


i wondered again,
why things always turn up to be the worst?
why there’re something undoable?
why there’re always "come & fade" ?
why nothing lasts forever?


i’m silly….
i’m always foal up what i have.
i’m always appreciate things or people around me only when they’re gone.
i’m always hiding myself, my real feelin.
i never speak from the bottom of my heart.
i never take action to reach what i want,  i ruin them instead.


i’m self-centered,
i only  know the grief, pain & sorrow in myself.
i never concern & aware of people around me.
i ain’t see through everything.
i’m always expecting people to give & contribute.
& i lie to protect myself against hurt.


& now,
everything has gone,
they’ve disappeared,
& i watched the footsteps they left,
the shadows i missed,
& i keep on recalling the conversations we had,
the words you said,
& i keep on assembling every single broken pieces of the memories I’d,
yet, nothing’s gonna turn back,
tears form behind my eyes,
pain of regret drowning me deeply,
dying inside, unhealed. . .

22
May

God created my fate that way………………………..

By alynnthe-no-music-no-life 0 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I wonder why……

Should i feel lucky with my fate?
or i’m just misfortune?!
or i’m the one buggered up my own life?!!!                                 perhaps i was……

I feel so helpless right now….i’m sick as a parrot…
I
wanna study in a good university…..it’s ain’t cause the other
universities or colleges out there are bad….It’s just because i want
to have a brighter future…I just want to have a pretty good job in my
future.

but i don’t want to burden my parents…
So, i’d studied so hard in my SPM to obtain an excellent results….&….Thank GOD i’ve made it!

with
the results,what could i do??yea…go and apply jpa, petronas
scholarship….or apply any award…or else get into a good uni…
those were what normally a student will do….

BUT guess what did i do???

yea….I’ve
did nothing!!!!…..feel like wanna bang myself to the wall….I’m
spackhead…I’mma silly sausage…. I didn’t even know what’s jpa,
petronas scholarship….any award that time…and how to apply…I was
just like a stupid fella sitting at home with the results & waiting
for ns….I’m damn INNOCENCE huh~~~
BLOODY HELL…………………………….

I didn’t know i kira lucky or what la…..There were lots of uncle aunty wanna help me…
One
aunty said "Oh,Taylors. Taylors is good. My son working in the
management of Taylors.I can ask him to help you.."….then another
aunty said "Study at Sunway is good. My son is a manager there, i can
ask him to assist you." Then another uncle said "Aiyo,tell you la.All
these expensive schools not good 1…They just want to earn $$. You can
try tarc & utar….My son studying mechanical enginneering at
tarc.I got a friend working there, she can help you"

AIYOOOO…. PENING KEPALA LOR….Who should i listen to?? [my dad lagi blurrrrr =="]

THEN,
the night before i went for national service, my dad told me that his
friend is a lecturer from tarc and he might helps me or consults me in
pursuing my studies…Waw~ he’s very experience..He told me everything
and get me over…SO WHAT?? Everything was too late…the closing date
was almost reached.And i needed to pack my bags for khidmatnegara…
BLOODY HELL…………………………..

And
so and so….I went to UTAR. You know what?..I’ve totally no idea at
all how this uni looks like, where is it and….. i just didn’t know
anything about UTAR….and i thought…UTAR=KTAR…
walao,
KNS oo…Both of these are totally separated & not really linked
together. And hell, i didn’t know UTAR is going to move to Kampar. When
i knew about this, i was like .."huh?wheere is kampar?!"
But UTAR no doubt is a great environment to study [not b'cz of the location]…

And
now…I’ve finished my Foundation Programme. Yet, I’m still
searching….searching for the uni that suits me…searching for uni
that provides me a scholarship………..yet I’m still lost….I’m back
to the wall…I’m still between a rock and a hard place…

can anyone help?????

no,i guess………………………………………….cause God created my fate to be that way……..and it should be that way…………